The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i came on her dog
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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