Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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