I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
