i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
