Are we in a gay sports bar?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
