I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
