I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm really into asian looking animals
one two three fourrrrnication!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
