dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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