threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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