i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
