i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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