Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
