I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
