Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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