I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
