Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
