If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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