i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's always time for handjobs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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