I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is classic penis vs brain.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
