My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
