it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
