her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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