He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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