your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry about my life...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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