If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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