you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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