Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
