I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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