I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
