girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
