so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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