Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
