I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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