I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
