I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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