mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
