I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm like, not good at living.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
