I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
