the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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