We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
