If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
