Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
