Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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