I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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