Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
