she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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