just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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