And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
