we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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