We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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