I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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