I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
