I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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