so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
