Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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