Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you would pick up someone in the library
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
