I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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