Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
