We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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