In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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