We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
