If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
