we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
