from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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