No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
