Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
