Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
