Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The air was thick with penises
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
