it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there is glitter all over my balls
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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